See, I'm Real

Tea Time

My newest-most favorite-thrift shop treasure 😍😍

“Would you like to have an adventure now or shall we have our tea first?” -Alice in Wonderland

Advertisements
See, I'm Real

Grace, Mercy, and Redeeming Love

**So…part of the original title of this post was “A Brief Reflection”….yea…I had to take that out because it quickly became a not so brief reflection**

I’ve got those end-of-the-school-reflection-feelings…that being said-the direct reason for my reflection: We have had John a whole entire school year…and all of us survived-more accurately-we ended up THRIVING.

Today was the last day of his second grade career and by the grace and love of Jesus, he is a changed child.  And by that same grace and love of Jesus, Christopher and I are changed adults.

To say that this has been difficult would be obvious.  I know that I made that painfully obvious at times with some emotional meltdowns that I am so not proud of.  I have to confess that  sometimes my focus was more on the situation than on Jesus, and those were very low times.  I have learned and I am learning, look at Jesus at all times.

And now I am about to POINT directly to heaven.  We have so many praises this school year so I want to just quickly touch on the big ones.

Praise God, the phone calls home saying that they could not ‘control’ John and we needed to come up to the school STOPPED completely the second half of the year.  I think we only got 1 or 2 calls home at all the second half of the year, and they did not require us going up to the school.

Praise God and THANK God, the rage fits are now a rare occurrence.

Praise God, the therapist attests to John’s success this year.  In fact-we have one more appointment set out 6 weeks and she has advised she does not need to meet with him if these 6 weeks go as well as they have been going.  His therapist ALSO explained that she knows this quick of an adjustment and healing is only because of Jesus.

Praise God, my prayer for a mother’s heart is being answered.  I can feel my heart changing and things I never thought I would feel are starting to be birthed in my heart.  It is so beautiful and only a change that God could have brought upon me.

Praise God, there is GRACE and MERCY and REDEEMING LOVE and now our family has a deeper understanding of how this works-and will only go deeper into a new understanding as we continue together with Jesus.

Praise God, I am married to my best friend and that he is a godly man who saw me at my absolute worst and loved me and counselled me through it.  He was my strength when I thought I had none-he loved me when I was unlovable.  He directed my eyes back to the victory of Jesus when they wanted to stay stuck on the defeat in this world.  We are learning to be the team God brought us together to be and it’s like…really cool.

Only God is this big.  Only God could work this miracle.  Only in God is there this type of healing.  Only God could have brought us all through the fire of adjustment and changed all of our hearts for the better.

God showed me a new level to an obvious thought the other day that is still overwhelming me to think about.

God SAW John.  Did you get that?  God looked down from heaven-and SAW John.  God also SAW Chris and I.  In His divine wisdom-He moved Chris…and He moved me…and He moved us together….without us even realizing it..and He moved all the others that John needed…and He RESCUED John.  All of those who have helped us in this and who took care of him before Chris and I, were moved by God to take care of John.  All of this for a little boy, and by golly that little boy LOVES Jesus and he LOVES all of his family.

My heart?  Yea…it’s pretty full.

See, I'm Real

Update on ‘Spiderman’

Where. To. Begin.

Someone pinch me, it can’t only have been almost 2 months ago this journey started…

This transition has been very rough to say the least.   Everyone getting used to each other.  Chris and I’s comfortably boring life flipped over into a life full of appointments, temper tantrums,  and being responsible for something more than ourselves and our nearly self sufficient pets.  John adjusting again to a new home, new caregivers, new – ish school, new rules/rules in general.  I now have a booster seat in my car, pack a spiderman lunchbox each morning, and have gone to work with peanut butter in my hair on at least one occasion (that I know of).  I have officially reached Auntie – mom status.

We have endured weeks full of phone calls from the school, mild destruction of our home, tantrum after tantrum after tantrum, hateful words hurled at Chris and I, a one day suspension from school for fighting,  and the list could continue for awhile more.

I have to be honest here, there are stretches of days where I find myself having trouble liking this kid….because I am a human and that happens sometimes.  Those days I find myself constantly asking God how he does it.  How in the world God, do you still love each and every one of us with an unfailing love?  No matter how far we go from you….or how often we break your heart…or disobey you…disrespect you. ..even straight up ignore and hate you.   Nothing breaks your love and I do not understand it.  I am continually asking God to show me THAT way…THAT love because that is the love that overcomes anything.  I need to learn and cultivate that healing love.

And this is where God has been whispering ever so calmly and gently,  “it’s not about you”.  When this child is full of rage and defiance, it’s not about me. When he is hurling hurtful words with his usual sweet 7 year old voice, it’s not about me. When it seems like the storm might not pass this time, it’s not about me. There’s a light coming…we see glimpses of it and it’s beautiful. No matter how many times my heart breaks or my anger is kindled it is not…about…me.

It’s about that blue heart hanging at my work desk that says “To Ant Kim”, it’s the millions of hugs I get around my legs, it’s hearing that little voice talking to Jesus every night and morning asking Jesus to watch over his entire family (including Brody and Kitten of course), it’s that night he asked Jesus to live in his heart, it’s the proud yet shy smile when we gush over his good choices, and the 100% spelling test hanging up on his bedroom wall.  It’s the “thank you’s” I’m starting to get for packing his lunch, and those small glimmering moments when he shows he is learning that he controls the choices he makes.  It’s about a boy who needs love more than I need anything.  It’s not about me at all.  And that is a very sobering realization for anybody.

image

I heard God whisper in my heart “you are at the beginning of a great testimony” while I laid in bed last night.  I have complete confidence God will be nothing but glorified through this situation.  God is proving his faithfulness time and again and I can’t help but be in awe of how absolutely amazing he is!  Chris and I COULD NOT do this without God’s guidance.  This is completely in his hands, and there’s no better place for it to be.

Official status update?  We are alright 🙂  We’ve had some storms…and we’ve had some sunshine and God has held us in his arms the whole time.  We have a court date next week to take the next step so prayers are greatly appreciated.   Little homeboy has a birthday coming up a week from Sunday too 🙂 Annd I think he is growing!  He should be anyways with all the Vitamin D milk and foods we’re constantly feeding him!  Everyone’s support and prayers are deeply felt and very appreciated!

image

image

image

image

image

God Bless 😀

See, I'm Real

The Beginnings of a Restoration

God has given my husband and I a huge burdon in our hearts for children who are ‘fatherless’…that need a safe home, love, stability, and a healing that only comes straight from Jesus’ heart.  We’ve been married for some MONTHS now, not even a whole entire year yet but we’ve had discussions that eventually we would love to open our home and our lives up to kids who have encountered great injustice.  And when I say eventually I mean we were talking some years…you know be young married people without responsibilities for a bit before diving into all that.  Well God decided to fast-track that a bit…like turn those years into weeks.

Now, when we had those discussions we never thought it would be family. It was always just the children the world forgot…no faces…no names.  Several months ago we received a name and a way too familiar face.  I had held him when he was a baby, watched him open Christmas gifts, taken him to the county fair, eaten pizza with him, and watched his love for Spiderman grow the older he got.  I knew home was not an ideal place…but it turned out to be worse than you’d want to think.

Extraction I think is what they called it…a phone call, then a court hearing that exposed too much injustice.

Fast forward several months to a couple weeks ago.  At the initial hearing another family member selflessly offered her home to this boy (and we are so appreciative of her for this.)  He was staying there when talk of moving him again began circulating.  Chris and I had the hard conversations again and decided we would tell God that we are here for Him to use in this situation.  Let me tell you…God gave us such peace that I have never experienced before about something that should have terrified us.  We had suspicions of how we would be used but nothing was absolute…nothing was certain.  And we just knew that no matter what God was moving everyone where they needed to be and that everything would work out.  So we waited.

Another phone call…another emergency hearing.

Two days before school started Chris and I took a seven year boy home with us.  We are currently a week and a couple days into this temporary engagement but we are so committed to do everything we need to for this special kiddo.  Even if it’s just for a season this child will know love and stability and Jesus while he is with us. This is already really hard… we’ve had good days and we’ve had bad days but no matter what kind of day it is God is the one who is sustaining my husband and I through this.  He is orchestrating a RESTORATION of a child he loves so deeply and we are so lucky that God is letting us be a part of this transformation. Because of God we have hope on the bad days that restoration will come.

image

This is my nephew.
His name is John.
He is in 2nd grade and he IS Spiderman 🙂
He loves animals and is great helper.
He is thoughtful and knows almost every word to the movie Frozen.
He is a child of God.

Thanks so much to our families and friends who are so supportive with kind words and prayers and just being so helpful.  Say a prayer for this little soldier tonight!  He sure is a trooper.

I want to publically say thanks to my husband who supported this from day 1.  He is a great and godly man.  No matter how many times I feel guilty because this is ‘my family’ that’s making all this happen he reminds me I am his family so my family is his.  My heart is overwhelmed by the love and support he’s shown through this and I thank God for him everyday.

See, I'm Real

Real Life

image

Just a snap shot of my life at this exact moment:
Messy floor
Messy end table
Kitten grooming herself
Brody being an ultimate creep staring while she’s grooming
Husband taking a nap (behind that closed door over there)
And I’m contemplating tidying up and maybe doing some dishes. ..but lounging in my favorite chair taking selfies with my pets sounds like more fun.

image

I like my life 🙂

See, I'm Real

Sunshine, Sun Hats, and a Cute Pug

It was crazy gorgeous yesterday and I got to play out of doors all the day!

AND try out my new sun hat 😀
20130606-180838.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also got to hang out with this cute little guy who’s slowly learning to behave himself!

20130606-181023.jpg

He is precious and he loves being outdoors, just like me!

Flowers…he loves flowers too.

20130606-181055.jpg

I’m so unbelievably blessed, seriously.  And the most thankful girl ever.

20130606-175915.jpg

Have a great weekend loves!  Rain or shine, God loves you the most!  Make sure you let the people you care about know just how much you love em too. ❤

See, I'm Real

I’m THANKFUL for CHRISTMAS

I wrote this about this exact time last year:

“So. Wal-Mart is playing Christmas music. SQUEEEEELLLLL!!! This just puts me in the best of moods. Even though I do have to tackle this Ethics paper at some point on this night I wanted to linger on the wonderful Christmas feelings I had a little longer. Siiiiiigggghhhhh. Happiness 😀

I know I was wondering around the Wal-Mart in a dreamy haze with a terrific grin plastered on my dazed face.

I followed the incredibly pleasant cinnamon smell I discovered while looking at floor heaters (I desperately need to heat my apartment…) and found Christmas land (!!!!) which was filled with all kinds magical Christmas-ey things.

That was the most pleasant of all Wal-Mart ventures I have ever had. 
It was even MORE pleasant because I didn’t have a homeless looking mother swinging her dirty smelly screaming child my direction as it wails that it hates her.
Such is Springfield life….

Back to reading these delightful articles about capital punishment….”

It’s crazy to me how vividly I remember this night and how wonderful I felt.  I listened to my Frank Sinatra Christmas station all night while homeworking.  It’s amazing to me how excited I can get just closing my eyes and thinking Christmas-y thing.  I can’t even compare it to being excited about anything else….because it’s its own unique type of feeling, which makes it even more wonderful.  I’ve really been trying to hold back on my Christmas urges until at least Thanksgiving is over (I have this new appreciation for Thanksgiving this year.  I have so much in my life to thank God for and seeing the people I love is more important to me than ever).  I already cheated and walked through Christmas land at the Wal-Mart yesterday…and listened to a couple Christmas songs a few weeks ago…and daydreamed about my Christmas Tree…

Maybe I’m not doing as good a job as I thought I was…

ALSO!  This adorable guy is BACK at the Build-a-Bear!!!

Image

And I swear somehow he will be mine this year!  (Last year I went to get him the day after Christmas and they had ALREADY taken him off the shelf!  Needless to say I was the most devastated).

In close I will insert a photo of my tree from last year.  I’m kinda really overly proud of it, being it was my first tree I decorated and planned all on my own!

Happy Christmas-ing to everyone!  I know the excitement is starting to get inside everyone 🙂

Image