Loneliness. It can drive people to all kinds of things. It’s something I’ve felt my whole life and it’s certainly “driven me” into all kinds of places…not always the good kinds of places either.
It’s really not ever just a twinge of loneliness…it’s the kind that you can feel in your stomach…that makes your heart do that aching thing…that’s written all over your face no matter how hard you try to ‘fix your face’ each time someone points it out. It’s the kind of loneliness that makes you look like a creep because you are pretty much just watching everyone else and wondering why you aren’t connecting with any of it.
I’ve spent most of what I remember of my 27 years searching for where I fit in. Longing to belong somewhere. Feeling so alone even in a crowded room…even surrounded by great friends.
The first time I heard the song “Where I Belong” by Cory Asbury (linked below)-I criiied…and my heart was all kinds of stirred up…and it was on repeat until I knew all the words of a song that someone else wrote yet answered something deep in my soul that I’d begged to hear for years upon years.
A truthful answer to a painful question: God, where do I belong? Why do I feel so outside of everything?
And there it was.
“I’ve finally found where I belong, I’ve finally found where I belong, In Your presence
I’ve finally found where I belong, to be with You, to be with You
My soul waits for you alone
Like the watchmen wait for dawn
Here I’ve finally found the place
Where we’ll meet, Lord, face to face”
And as I listen to those words the truth just washes over me with peaceful comfort.
Because it is true. When I intentionally (and even unintentionally sometimes) spend time with My Father…during my quiet times…driving round in my car singing to Him…talking to Him quietly in my heart…and just anytime I get to BE with Him, I have that ‘belonging’ feeling. I have that ‘this is what I was made for’ feeling. And I GET to do that WHENEVER!
I may still struggle with loneliness…and my heart still hurts because of it sometimes…but I KNOW now what I never actualized all those years before: That I will always truly belong with my Father and that is a truth I can hold onto even when my heart is hurting. I can enter into His presense and He will be all I’ll ever need ❤
"I am my Beloved’s and He is mine, so come into Your garden and take delight in me."